The Nest Begins to Empty

Excerpt #30 from Life is Short but Wide

The country of Ecuador is so-named because of its location straddling the Equator. We visited the monument often through the years, and posed astride the yellow line with one foot in the southern hemisphere and one foot in the northern hemisphere.

Photo by Evan Wise on Unsplash

Because Cristal was already 18 years old, she was an adult Ecuadorian and required to vote before leaving the country after her high school graduation. We took her to the voting station near our home one day in May. She really had no idea of whom she voted for, but filled in the page, got her paperwork, and was able to apply for an exit visa. Our children travelled on their Canadian passports but needed their Ecuadorian paperwork to leave the country. Another hurdle crossed. My parents, who had come to attend the graduation, left on an early flight and Cristal on a later one. We said a very hard goodbye to Cristal at the airport, came home and were just falling asleep around 11:30 when the phone rang. Her flight had been cancelled. Tim met her, arranged for a flight for the next day, and brought her home for a few hours of sleep. It was a big surprise to Travis and Ashley to see her again so soon. She left that night and arrived safely in Vancouver, navigating airports and hotels alone for the first time.

Then began the dreariest summer of my life. I grieved Cristal’s absence with a physical ache. Tim went to work every day, Travis had a summer job in locks and keys at HCJB, and Ashley had a job teaching English at the school. I was alone for much of the summer and wandered around aimlessly, unable to focus on very much of anything, feeling what C. S. Lewis expressed as “the laziness of grief.” There was a sense of emptiness to my days. I was always so glad when the car pulled into the driveway with Tim, Travis, and Ashley. That was the best part of my day. I dreaded having to go through the same emotions in another year when Travis graduated, so much so that I remember wishing I’d had triplets so that all the leaving could have been done at once. It was hard watching my children leave and be so far away. Emotions ran the gamut: happiness at their accomplishments, excitement for their future studies and careers, and intense grief at what seemed like the tearing apart of my family.

Cristal’s home base was my parents’ home in Kelowna. She settled in well, found a job in the Costco bakery, opened a bank account, and ordered personalized cheques. My father helped her with her driver’s licence and was willing to lend her a vehicle when she needed one. On August 24, I flew from Quito to Vancouver where Cristal and my mom met me at the airport. What joy to wrap my arms around them both! We chatted non-stop on the four-hour drive back to Kelowna, spending a few days there before helping get Cristal established at Trinity Western University (TWU) in Langley.

Cristal flourished at TWU. Her roommate, Anna, was a lovely American nursing student. They got along well. I was able to meet her and her parents. Cristal began studying for a degree in science but soon discovered that English was more her interest and switched programs. A part time job in the library helped pay for her schooling. That, plus her scholarships and a loan required to obtain one of the scholarships, went a long way for paying for the expensive school.

When a child leaves home, family dynamics change. Parents and siblings adjust in different ways. We all missed Cristal and looked forward to any communication with her. Chatting occasionally via video call programs was a highlight despite the low quality. I compared our speed of communication via the Internet to the long wait for letters from family and friends in the early years, and I was very thankful for advancing technology.

December arrived with special events and busyness. Ashley cut a flurry of snowflakes to decorate the windows of the house. Travis had a party with his friends. Cristal arrived home on the 17^th of December after her first semester at Trinity. We, along with three other families, drove to the beach for four days of camping before Christmas. I preferred staying in hotels at the beach and saving camping trips for the mountains. Sand got into everything by the beach, and there were more bugs. Regardless, I returned home refreshed once again by ocean air and long walks on the sandy beach.

With the new year, Cristal returned to Langley, and Travis began his last semester of high school. Ecuadorian males were automatically conscripted into the army at age 18. Not every male served, but the possibility of being called up was a concern. I spoke with one of the Spanish teachers at the Academy, about getting exemption papers for Travis before he left the country. Sra. Morillo had cousins placed high in the military who told her that boys born in 1983 were already being registered in the computer. Travis would leave before his 18^th birthday but return in December fully 18. In the end, she and I went down to the military offices and were unable to get the paperwork. The officials advised us to have Travis leave the country before turning 18, and then to get a new passport without a visa – he could come in as a tourist. That became the plan, and it worked well.

During her years at the Academy Ashley participated in the drama program, playing various parts in both the spring and fall productions. In middle school she played the part of Jane Eyre in a production of the same name. Now in grade nine, she tried out for a part in The Mad Woman of Chaillot, not expecting to get one. One of the questions was “do you know sign language or are you willing to learn it?” She had begun lessons in signing just the week before, so she got the part of a deaf-mute and did quite a bit of signing in the play. On the days she had rehearsals, Tim stayed in late and brought her home. The play opened at the end of March. It was a feast for the eyes and the ears, with a lowkey theme of the danger of trusting in money and power. Funny and sweet. Bright colourful costumes. Ashley wore a gorgeous red brocade tunic jacket and had her hair up with chopsticks through it. She signed beautifully. At one point in the play everyone danced merrily, but Ashley’s character, being deaf, couldn’t hear the music and was comically out of step. It was a giddy time for her, but also very tiring.

Meanwhile, we began planning for a short summer furlough. For the first time the children would not be travelling with us. They stayed with cousins and their grandparents. We arranged to speak in eight different churches throughout the summer and planned to see family and friends along the way. Tim wrote to our email group, “Lorrie and I really feel the tug to be in Canada to provide the support our kids need there during these times. It is hard to be isolated and feel unable to help them.” Yet we planned to return to Ecuador for another three years.

Plans for Travis’ graduation barreled ahead. A few weeks before graduation, the class always took a trip together. Several parent sponsors accompanied them, and I was thrilled to be one of them. Tim was in the US attending meetings during the trip, so Ashley stayed with friends in Quito while Travis and I were at the beach. I had my own room at the hotel and thoroughly enjoyed my days with the class. There was little supervision required. One night I had to stay up until 1 am, but other than that, I chatted with the students, swam, walked on the beach, and read. It was the first time I had ever vacationed on my own and I relished the solitude, and not having to think about pleasing anyone but myself. I loved being with my family, but being alone gave me time to think more.

Graduation passed in a whirl of other events to celebrate Travis’ achievement and before we knew it, we were on the plane flying to Canada. At his graduation, I played piano for the ceremony again and reflected on how different life could have been for us after his accident. Here he was, graduating with high honours, strong and healthy. God had healed his brain far beyond what we could have imagined.